Say Something
by SkyeRose
Summary: Swallowing hard, Sam turned and walked in the other direction—away from the control room, the Stargate, and him. Away from the perplexed look Teal'c had given her and away from the cold, hard eyes of her commanding officer.-A missing piece to 'Shades of Grey.' SamJack, two parter plus epilogue
1. Chapter 1

**Say Something**

**Part One**

**A/N: First, let me just say to those of you reading "Submerged," I am SO SORRY for the huge time lapse. The next chapter will be up this weekend!**

**This story was inspired by A Great Big World's "Say Something" featuring Christina Aguilera. It's a two parter, and both are already written, so there won't be a big delay! **

**Enjoy!**

Sam felt something rising into her throat, but she couldn't tell if it was her heart or her lunch. It was like watching him in slow motion; the rigid hold in his shoulders, the stiff set of his back, and the determined way he was walking.

The determined way he was walking _away_ from her_._

Swallowing hard, Sam turned and walked in the other direction—away from the control room, the Stargate, and him. Away from the perplexed look Teal'c had given her and away from the cold, hard eyes of her commanding officer.

"_Is there anything I can do?"_

_His head had fallen to the side, his eyes dark. "About?"_

"_Well, sir, with respect, you aren't exactly acting like yourself." Sam felt herself holding her breath and forced herself to exhale. What was she afraid of? She'd known this man for years; seen him at his best and at his worst. She _knew _him._

"_No, Carter. I haven't been acting like myself since I met you." He paused for the merest breadth and Sam braced herself. "Now I'm acting like myself."_

Sam bit down hard on the inside of her cheek as the elevator doors closed and she winced, leaning against the wall with a heavy sigh. How was it that the man who claimed to be the least intellectually inclined among them was the only one who could send her reeling so completely? Though this was by far the most enigmatic thing he'd said to date. What did he mean by that?

"Now I'm acting like myself…" She let her head fall to the side as she watched the red numbers slide by. The way she saw it, there were only three feasible options. One, he was under the influence of some alien technology that had personality altering characteristics. Two, he's distancing himself—though for what reason she couldn't be sure. And three, her commanding officer—the man she respected more than anyone else—really was just a misogynistic asshole and only now were his true colors showing.

Of course, there was one more option. One that, if true, hurt her more than the last analytical reason. They weren't stupid. There had been a…thing…between them for almost as long as they'd known each other. It was beyond simple respect and admiration, beyond an infatuation…just…beyond. And while they had never acted on their feelings, Sam knew that it wasn't one sided. There were hints of it in almost everything they did.

'_Is he saying that he doesn't feel anything for me anymore?'_ Sam slipped into her lab and closed the door, fighting the urge to turn the lock. _'I guess that wouldn't be too surprising.'_ Sam looked around at her lab, still strewn with the debris of the last few months. Coffee cups she'd failed to discard, useless mechanical innards, and diagrams covered in annotations and corrections littered almost every available surface. The only clean area was a square foot at the end of her work table where she'd laid her head more times than on a pillow over the last three months.

And for what?

He obviously would have been happier if she'd just let him stay trapped there. Maybe that's why he was lashing out now; he wanted to be sent back. Sam froze, her hand still on the lock, as she felt her blood run cold. That was an option she hadn't considered.

He _wanted_ to be sent back. He didn't want to be a part of this program any longer.

With a violent jerk of her wrist she turned the lock and spun to face her lab suddenly hating every piece of evidence of her efforts to bring him back. It was useless. She had quite literally _broken _physics to bring him back and he hadn't even looked at her. If she was letting herself be honest, she had pictured him waiting for them—for her—everyday at the gate site. She'd believed he wanted to come home as much as they wanted him home.

And now he was telling her that whatever impossible thing had existed between them was gone because she had taken too long. Or because she had been too quick.

Sam struck out blindly, her hand connecting with a stack of textbooks and papers and sending them crashing to the floor. Clenching her jaw, she grabbed as many Styrofoam cups as she could, barely flinching when the cold, bitter liquid from one that was not quite empty splattered across her arm and onto her jacket. She threw them into her already overflowing wastebasket before turning and snatching at more of the garbage.

How _dare_ he say that to her? _Now_ I'm acting like myself? "Well, sorry you didn't feel comfortable enough with me to be yourself before, _sir_." She bit out. "Sorry we worked so hard to bring you back. Sorry you have to throw it all back in our faces now. Sorry, sorry, sorry." Kicking over the trash can as she spun to grab another handful of papers and blueprints, her spine stiffened.

She wasn't alone.

Sam turned, automatically raising her guard at the unknown presence—then kept it up when he became a known one.

"Carter." His eyes were still unreadable, his hands at his sides instead of shoved playfully into his pockets.

"Colonel O'Neill." Her back was ramrod straight, but the only thought in her mind was how incredibly grateful she was that she wasn't crying. Anger she could hide, tears…well, she didn't want to give him the satisfaction.

He held her eyes for a long moment before he took several slow, measured steps towards her side worktable. She opened her mouth to ask what he was doing, but something in his expression made her stop. Casually, he leaned against the table and stretched his arms backwards before crossing them over his chest. Almost at exactly the same instant, Sam felt the hairs on her arms stand on end. Narrowing her eyes, she glanced at the small machine behind and just to the right of the colonel. A machine that had been dormant a few seconds ago.

He had activated her EMI, the device she'd modified only a few months before during the foothold situation. Sam frowned, but kept her gaze leveled at her CO. "I keep everything in this office at optimum working order, sir."

He held her gaze silently for another minute before nodding slowly, but he didn't move from where he was. "Optimum for Air Force standards, major?"

"No, sir. Higher. And more unusual. No one can hear us." She knew it was a bold and potentially stupid move, but she had every confidence in her lab. If there were bugs, they would be scrambled by the electromagnetic interference. "And the cameras on this level are down for scheduled maintenance."

"Convenient." Jack murmured, but Sam remained silent and staring. He met her hard stare with one of his own and for a long moment neither one of them moved. Finally, Sam's eyes flicked to her closed door and back to the man in front of her.

"With respect, sir, how did you get in? That door was locked." Her only response was a quirk of his head and a look that said she should know better than to ask. "Right." Sam said, pursing her lips and clenching her hands into fists to keep from crossing her arms petulantly across her chest.

"You're mad." Sam looked up sharply at his words. There was an almost teasing quality to his voice.

She hesitated. "Yes, sir."

"I don't know that I've ever seen you like this."

Sam almost rolled her eyes. "I've been plenty angry before, colonel."

"Right, it's just not usually directed at me." He stood then and let his fingers trail over her cluttered worktable as he took a few steps forward. Sam frowned, but didn't say anything lest she admit to disrespecting a superior officer. "Look, Carter-,"

With a move she didn't really think about, Sam raised her hand to stave off whatever explanation was sure to be forthcoming. "You don't owe me anything, sir."

"I do." The words were spoken carefully, an emphasis placed on each one. "Now let me finish." The chiding was gentle, but Sam didn't interrupt again. "What I said earlier, about when I met you…" He glanced over his shoulder before lowering his voice further. "Sam, there's a leak in the SGC."

**TBC**

**A/N: Part Two up tomorrow! Thanks for reading!**


	2. Chapter 2

**Say Something**

**Part Two**

**A/N: Thank you for all your wonderful reviews! Here is part two! As a warning, it **_**is**_** angsty. If you guys need a fluffy post-Edora story after this post-Edora story, I have one called 'Rescue' from a few years ago. **

**Enjoy!**

Sam's eyes widened as her head snapped up, unsure of what surprised her more—his use of her given name or the bomb he had just dropped. Probably an unhealthy mix of both, she decided. "Do we know who? No, obviously not. You're undercover? For who, though? Our last mission was to Tollana, which is what started this whole mess in the first place, but it can't just be the Tollans. The Asgard?" Her words rushed out in one breath without waiting for confirmation from the colonel.

Jack felt the corner of his mouth quirk. She couldn't be that mad at him if she was jumping into problem solving mode so quickly. And her eyes were shining in that way that made his stomach roll around in circles. "Slow down, Carter." He glanced at the door again and took a step closer to her. "It's a lot of them—all of them." Sam's eyes widened further. "It's big and it's bad."

Sam nodded feeling the gravity of the situation weighing on her. "Who knows?"

"The President and the General."

Sam bit her lip and averted her eyes. "Sir, why weren't the rest of SG-1 informed?"

"Um," Jack scratched the back of his neck in a gesture Sam had come to recognize as discomfort. "Well, Thor specifically asked for me. And I think they wanted you guys to react naturally. The way you would if I…" He trailed and Sam almost snorted.

"Well, that was a terrific performance, sir. Really." She leveled her blue gaze to his. "Very realistic."

Jack swallowed the urge to make a joke. He got the feeling this was not the appropriate time. "Carter…Sam…" He let her name slip again. "It's part of the act. I am the way…well, you know me." He shrugged and tried for a smile.

"Yes, sir." Her voice was quiet. The thrill she'd felt a few minutes ago was gone and she was back to sulking.

"Carter-,"

"I would have followed you anywhere." If possible, her voice was even quieter. "I…"

Jack felt like a hand covered in needles had firmly grasped his heart and was now proceeding to squeeze. He had no idea what to say. He doubted his second had even meant to say that. Her expression was clouded and far away, but when she tilted her chin to look at him her eyes were clear. "I put my trust in your command—in you. That trust was shaken so easily." She shook her head and fell silent.

"You don't trust me anymore?" The slightest frown creased his brow. When she remained silent, he leaned forward slightly. "I'm serious, Carter. Look at me. Do you trust me?"

Sam bit the inside of her cheek and grudgingly met his eyes. "Yes. I do. And that…" She cut herself off and took a deep breath. "I was so angry with you over something that shouldn't have affected me so much. And it didn't shake my trust in you." She squeezed her eyes closed, aware that she was contradicting herself. "This isn't—I don't know."

Jack took another step forward and though propriety called for more distance, Sam felt rooted to the spot. He knew he should say something, but no words came to mind. He was well aware of the lengths she had gone to in order to bring him back from Edora. And he knew how terrible it must have made her feel when he didn't say anything—not a word—to any of them. He had missed them…more than he had missed anything in his whole life, but it was her face that haunted his dreams at night. It was her name he woke up muttering.

Her smile that he longed to see again.

It struck him that he _hadn't_ actually seen her smile since he'd come back. There had been a moment, when she came through the gate, that her face had lit up like a kid on Christmas morning. But he had turned away, his stomach rising into his throat. He had never felt such an overwhelming relief before.

He was the reason her smile was gone.

Sam watched her commanding officer carefully. His face was a careful mask, but there was something going on behind his eyes; some deep, internal struggle. What was he thinking about?

Jack raised his eyes to meet hers and felt his sadness increase tenfold as he saw the expression in them. She looked defeated—like she would accept anything he said and then move on. Like whatever relationship they had had previously was damaged beyond repair.

"I didn't mean it." He cringed at the weakness in his voice. Of all the things he could have said, all the things he should have said, _that_ was all he had.

"Didn't mean what?" '_Your feelings for me or that you're acting like yourself now?' _Without waiting for a response, Sam turned to survey her lab. With the books and papers she'd knocked to the floor and the wastebasket she'd overturned, it looked like a veritable tornado had rampaged through. "Sir, with permission, I'd like to get back to cleaning my lab."

"Carter." Words were struggling their way up his throat, but there were too many. He couldn't get anything out. All he could do was stare.

Sam felt her resolve slipping, but she held onto it, wishing for a dozen things at once. She wanted him to stay, to say something—anything, but she didn't want to hear it. She didn't want to hear whatever painful words might escape his lips. But she never wanted him out of her sight again.

She remained silent and so did he. Eventually one of them would have to turn the EMI off and they would have to carry on with this charade for as long as it would take. Days, weeks…neither of them knew, but Sam couldn't help but think how terrible the timing was. He'd been physically gone for three months and now that he was back, they couldn't reach him emotionally. Façade or no, there would be no time to heal as a team, no time to re-establish everything that had been lost.

Sam didn't turn around, but she realized she was waiting on him. Waiting for him to make the first move. But he didn't seem willing to make it. Swallowing hard, she turned around and met his eyes. He was watching her with an intensity she had seen in him only once before, when they had been trapped under the ice in Antarctica. It was his do or die face.

"I haven't been myself since I met you." The words were quiet and his expression sober. His hands—for once—lay still on her worktable.

Sam flinched before she could stop herself, eyes dropping to watch his still fingers. He had remarkably long fingers and she felt her heart start to break for the strangest reasons. Those fingers could be as tender as they could be lethal. She'd seen him beat an enemy unconscious with those bare hands, but she'd felt how gentle they were when he'd held them against her lips as she cried out in Hathor's fake SGC.

"You've said that." Her voice sounded strange in her ears.

"Right." His fingers twitched, as though itching to pick up one of the "doohickeys" on her desk. Sam almost smiled.

Jack felt like his chest was bursting with everything he wasn't saying. Why couldn't he say it? I've been better since I've met you. I've been the man I've wanted to be since I met you. I've been him for you.

"Right." Her voice broke through his inner monologue. Her eyes were downcast and Jack felt a distinct shift in the air around him. She was pushing him out, no…she was letting him go. The twitch at the corner of his mouth was the only outward sign that her words had had any effect. He felt his heart clench and he closed his eyes. The mission was too big, his objective too important. He couldn't do this now.

And it killed him.

"But this," He said quietly, as he turned toward the door. "This isn't me, Carter."

He heard her slow exhale, but didn't turn to see her expression. _I'm sorry, Sam._

Sam watched him go, the hold in his shoulders slightly looser than it had been earlier. Slowly, she moved towards the EMI, her legs feeling like pudding. Her hand reached out and, with a single finger, she flicked the switch to the off position.

**End**

**A/N: Thank you! Hope you liked it!**


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